A few weeks ago I wrote about some big changes happening in my life at the moment, however I could not quite put into words yet what was/is happening.
Right now I am on a short trip to a little village in the south of the Netherlands and I finally feel like I have somewhat sorted my thoughts and feelings about this whole situation and know where I am at.
I will move to Sweden. Living abroad and living much closer to nature has always been something that intrigued me and sparked my curiousity and excitement and living in Sweden has now been my dream for a couple of years.
When I visited Älvsbyn this winter, I was amazed by all of what I saw. The climate, the snow, the short days with such beautiful and colorful light, the warmhearted people, connectivity despite such far distances and nature and forests everywhere.
For the first time in my life I experienced what homesickness felt like, but I didn’t learn that until I got home.
Some months passed and I tried not to think too much of it, try to live my life in Germany, but in the end, I felt like I didn’t belong anymore, I felt like I should try something new and visited Sweden once more in the summer, to see if I really wanted to take that big step. And I did. A few weeks after my summer visit in Sweden I made the decision to make all necessary steps to be able to move.
So what do I have right now and what else will I need?
– a place to live
– started to learn Swedish (at the moment it’s still quite basic, but I’ll get there!)
– started to connect with locals
– applied for an SFI (Svenska för invandrare) course
– gathered a lot of information on what I will need to do once I am there
– applied for jobs in the area that I will live in
– a job
– a car
– a Swedish personal number
– a Swedish bank account
– to be accepted into the SFI course so I can learn Swedish better and faster than I can on my own
At the moment all of this is super exciting on one hand and terrifying on the other. On one side I will be moving to this beautiful place, where I feel like I belong at the moment and on the other side I will leave everything that I have known so far behind. All the security that a job and income and living in a country I grew up in gave me.
Not only will I hav to master yet another language, but I will also have to learn so much about the social, political and burocratic structures of another country, just when I felt like I somewhat understood the ones in Germany.
I am afraid that I will miss all the things that make me now want to leave the city. All the crowded places, the fast way of living, the fast pace life in a city has to offer. I am longing for nature and longing for calm and silence, for places without light pollution that are only lit at night by starry skies, the moon and northern lights (and sunlight during the summer months). I am longing for long winters, mountains of snow and forests to get lost in. I am longing to be alone, to go outside and not have to drive for hours to find a place outside of cities.
And yet I wonder if I will miss urban life. I have always lived in cities, always been only in crowded places amongst thousands of other people. I can find my way through a big crowd ever since I can remember and I somewhat enjoy just standing or sitting in the middle of a trainstation and watch people passing by.
I guess I will only find out once I have taken this leap and know what the other side is like. The one I have only ever dreamed of and longed for.
The one that is calling me home.